i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
