Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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