can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
