I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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