well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
