people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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