These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
