i just wanna soil my oats bro
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
