Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
