I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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