we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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