so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just pee around me
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
