My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
