you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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