Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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