youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
