I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
