was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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