dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
