Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
