If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
