I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
