I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
