what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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