I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
