no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize