I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I think my fart just growled at me.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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