I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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