So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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