i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My vagina is officially offended.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
