I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
