I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
