he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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