Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
