I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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