The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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