I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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