I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
COCAINE IS GR8
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
