one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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