Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
