Jerry, you need to find god
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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