You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
