I feel great
I just peed on a car
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
