capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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