I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
