This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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