Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
