Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
