Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
two words...techno handjob
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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