i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
