it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
