i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
